Street Harassment. The uncoolest.

Ughhhhhhh, you guys.

Frickin street harassment.  Is it still street harassment if it happens in a park, on a trail?  Trail harassment?  Well, no matter, I'm going to call it street harassment anyway.

Let me tell you two little stories:

Early April 2014.  I'm feeling pretty good about myself because I've started walking to and from work.  The weather is glorious, I've got my favorite blue sweater on, and I'm on my way home to see my husband.  The day couldn't have been nicer.

Until I turn onto State Street.

"Go back to Burger King, fatty!" comes the shout from over a block away.

I try not to look at the person shouting, but I did before I could help myself.

"Yeah, you, you fat bitch!"

Oh, my tender little heart.  I am devastated.  My soul is shattered by these few, cruel words.  I continue walking home as hot, angry tears stream down my face under my polka-dotted sunglasses and immediately collapse into my husband's arms, sobbing uncontrollably.  I'm fat, I know it.  But do people REALLY need to take precious time from their day to spew hateful words at me?  Seems like a waste of energy, and yet it happened all. the. TIME.

Fast forward to yesterday.

It's a gorgeous, hot, sunny day, and I decided to take Taco for a walk in Telulah Park along the Newberry Trail.  Once we got to the park, it took us awhile to find the actual trail, but once we did it was peaceful and gorgeous.  We walked along the Fox River, barked at geese and ducks (just Taco), enjoyed the solitude, sat and dipped our feet in the river (just me), and then continued up the hill back to the park.  After meandering along the trail through the park, we came upon a park bench with three "gentlemen" (and that term is pretty generous, as you'll see).  

After letting the toddler that was with them pet Taco and introducing him to them as well, came the inevitable

"What's your name, baby?"

Response one: Please don't call me baby.  Response 2: Angela.  Because you will use my formal name, fools.

We kept walking about another mile and eventually turned around (I don't think the trail is a loop...but who knows because seriously, it's not marked well at all).

When we came upon their park bench, my new "friend" said "Did you come back for me?"

My sarcastic response was "Of course, I missed you so much these last fifteen minutes, total stranger."  I laughed and kept walking.

"Shake that ass, baby!" 

Oh.  HELL.  No.  I turned around while walking away (backward) and responded "No!" in my best scolding voice.  I turned back around and kept walking.

The three amigos and their baby then got up and started following me down the trail...or at least walking in the same direction.  They were mercifully slow because of the stroller and small child that was with them.

"You looking fine, girl!"

No response from me.

"Hey, you wanna be my girl?"

No response from me.

"I'd like to tap that ass."

No response from me.  At this point, my blood is boiling and I'm about ready to go ape on them, but I just want to get to my car and get home so I can complain about them to Jeff.

"Hey, Angela, are you into three-ways?"

At this point, I promptly lost my shit.  They were shouting in my direction as there was about 100 feet in between us on the trail.  I turned around and shouted back, "Yes, if you're into guys.  I'll invite my husband!"

"Aww hell no."  "Fuck that shit."  "You cocktease."  

Seriously?  Seriously?  SERIOUSLY?  Apparently being female and going for a walk with your fucking dog makes you a cocktease.  The more you know.

Here's the moral of the story.
Once upon a time, I thought that losing weight would make the street harassment stop.  I thought people shouted evil things at me because I was fat (well, still am kinda fat, but you know what I mean.  Fatter than current status), so when I lost weight, nobody would have cause to say mean things anymore.  Hooray!

SURPRISE!  People shout things and say rude things.  And it seems like it's because I have the audacity to take my vagina and breasts outdoors in public.  Unsupervised by a male and everything.  HOW DARE I!  I should be shamed into submission for merely being female and existing, let alone running amok on public hiking trails!  I should also figure out a way to leave my vagina and breasts at home...but that sounds scientific and is clearly a job for a man.

We all know that having a vagina makes you weak, fragile, and submissive.  Therefore, it's not only acceptable to street harass vagina-havers, but it's your DUTY AS AN AMERICAN to make sure they feel as weak, fragile, and submissive as you feel they should be.

For the record, here is a list of things it's acceptable to say to a stranger as she walks her dog:
1) Your dog is cute (this will make us instant BFFs, just FYI)
2) Gorgeous day, isn't it?
3) Your shoe is untied (if it actually is)
4) Do you have the time?
5) Your dog is cute (I know I already said it, but it's important)
6) Help! (if you are in distress, obvi)
END OF LIST.

**P.S. This also applies to males and those whose genders you are not sure of.  It's pretty cis-female centric because I'm writing from personal experience.  But how about let's just not harass each other, k?

Fat girl shopping

Disclaimers:
1) I am well aware of the fact that as a white American, I am privileged in ways that others are not.  This sucks and is unfair and I know it.
2) I am not trying to get into a "who's more oppressed than whom" pissing match here, just trying to make a point about something that frustrates me to no end.
3) Bah, humbug.

So.  Picture the last time you went shopping.  Just take a minute and try to recall.  What kind of selection was available in your size?  What part of the store was your size carried in?  Did the clothes designed for your gender stop at a certain size, and send all people bigger or smaller than that to a different part of the store to shop?  How was the lighting?  How did the salespeople treat you?

If you're a dude, there are a wide variety of choices available to you.  And whether you waist is 32 inches or 52 inches, your shirt size XS or XXL, in most stores, you can buy pants off the same clothes rack.  You lucky dog!  There are so many options for athletic wear for you that it has it's own section of the store.  Bonus!

If you're an average to below average sized lady, there are a wide variety of choices to you.  There are so many options for athletic wear for you that it often has it's own section of the store.  Bonus!  There are a plethora of brands and styles for you to choose from.  Chances are, if you walk into any store, anywhere (with the exception of plus-sized specialty stores) you can find multiple options in your size.

Another bonus?  Not everything is black!  Average to below average sized ladies are permitted to want colorful things.  You lucky ladies, you!

If you're an above average sized lady, you have known exactly where this was going from the beginning.

Our section of the store is about  1/4-1/3 the size of the "regular" sized ladies clothes, if we're lucky.  A sizable percentage of the options in the section are black, grey, navy, or brown (why would you want to draw attention to your fat by wearing bright colors?).  We are stuffed into the back of the store (why would you want to draw attention to fat people by making their clothing visible?).  If any athletic wear is offered in our size, there is generally one brand available and one rack of it (for example, in the sprawling cacophony that is Scheels, there is exactly one rack of Nike plus-sized athletic wear.  At Target, Kohls, and Younkers, there are exactly zero racks of plus-sized athletic wear.  In Shopko, there is exactly one rack of Energy Zone athletic wear.  I could go on, but you get it).  After all, fatties must not workout or they wouldn't be so fat, right?  RIGHT?

And if you live in a smaller town, things get worse.

When I lived in Door County, I had to drive for an hour JUST TO BUY  BRAS THAT FIT ME.  That's right.  The closest bras that fit my body at that time were in Green Bay.

When I was home for Christmas this year, about 70lb lighter than when I lived in Door County, I wanted new sweatpants, because my old sweatpants fit me 70lb ago and made me look like a hobo.  Even being several sizes smaller (but still a fat girl by all standards, really), I had to go to three stores to find a pair of suitable sweatpants.  SWEATPANTS.  I was not exactly seeking high-fashion...I just wanted something soft to wear to sit on the couch and watch Twilight Zone re-runs.

But seriously.

There are a lot of cute little boutique stores close to my apartment, and I like to window-shop (and sometimes actual-shop).  These boutiques are tiny, have a tiny selection (as most boutiques do, hence the name), with a tiny size offering (small and medium, large if they're feeling generous), and exorbitant prices.  But it's fun to go.  They also sell shoes and bags and household items and things that are accessible to my fat self.

My experience when shopping at these places has been fucking horrible.

If you are fat and walk into Hey, Daisy! for example, the employees will look at you, pause, and then go right back to talking to each other without so much as saying hello.  This happened once and I was annoyed.  This happened again, and I was infuriated.  So I decided to do an experiment.  Of all the specialty shops downtown that sell clothing, exactly one was welcoming and friendly when my fat self walked in (Thanks, Beatnik Betty's!).  The others must have decided that fat money doesn't spend the same and disregarded me.  Yes, I am aware that I will never ever ever fit into your clothing, but there are entire sections of your little store dedicated to things that I might have liked in my life.  That is, until you decided you didn't want my money.  I'm all about supporting local businesses, but downtown Appleton really needs to step up it's customer service game.


Again, I am aware that there are worse atrocities than being shoved to the back of the store to buy a limited selection of shapeless black clothing, and being treated poorly in a retail store.  I KNOW.

I've written about this before.  Why am I revisiting it?  Because it is still happening.  Because it sucks.

Also, because as I get closer and closer to not needing to shop in the fat girl section any more, I get more and more pissed that a fat girl section exists.  It's sizeist and sexist that my father and my husband, with their very different body sizes, can buy pants, belts, and shirts off the same clothing rack, and that my BFF and I, with our different body sizes, can't.  We have to go to opposite ends of the store to get every single garment except shoes.  Sometimes, we have to go to entirely different stores.

Double standard.

Not cool.