Gratitude

Since it's been almost 6 months since I've documented anything, I think it's safe to say I've fallen off the blogging wagon.  And I'm ok with this.

I started this blog when my gym wife Jen told me to find a way to document my Paying it Forward experience and all the changes that were no doubt going to occur in my life.

My 32nd year was an emotional and physical maelstrom, in the best way possible.  I lost almost 100lbs.  I made some new friends.  I worked my ass off, figuratively and literally.  I cried all over my poor trainer on at least a weekly basis.  I cried all over my husband on at least a weekly basis.  I cried all over my nutritionist pretty regularly, as well.  I came to terms with my habits, my decisions, my mental state, my physical state, and my life in general.  I worked really hard to improve my physical, spiritual, emotional, and mental health.

In my 33rd year, the physical changes came a lot more slowly but the mental, emotional, and spiritual "journey" continued.  I lost about 30 more lbs.  I had surgery.  I gained 20 lbs back.  I re-lost the 20 post-op mashed potato and popsicle pounds.  I made more new friends (awesome ones, in fact).  I started practicing mindfulness, and found a lot of peace in yoga practice (which I used to hate with the fire of 1000 suns) and meditation (which I always used to feel like I was doing "wrong").  Because of this (I think), I cried a lot less.  I finished my BSN and started grad school, which may prove to be my worst idea yet (but will be worth it when I'm finished, I'm sure).

As I'm rapidly approaching 34, I feel like this is a perfect time to reflect on where I've been and the changes that have occurred.  I'm insanely proud of the physical changes that have occurred, but even more proud of the mental changes.  I feel clear, focused, and determined.  I feel confident and strong (most of the time).  I feel at peace with myself and my relationships.

Most importantly, I feel a deep gratitude.  I have even learned to become thankful for the not-so-awesome things that have happened in my life, because they shaped me into the rockstar you know and love today (I'm also thankful that I'm so humble).  I am so, so thankful for my husband, family, and friends.  I'm grateful for my education and career.  I'm grateful that people trust me every day to guide them towards making the best decisions they can for their health.

I'm grateful for the boys (not men) and girls (not women) I've known (and not known) who mocked my body ruthlessly and publicly.  I'm grateful for my exes who cheated on me.  I'm grateful for those assholes on Fair St who made me cry in 2014 and inspired me to apply for Jen's Paying it Forward contest/gift.

Does that sound ridiculous?  It feels a little ridiculous.  How can I be thankful for boyfriends who screw around on me, people who body-shame me, strangers who make me cry?  They taught me how to be resilient, how to persevere, how to keep my head held high, and how not to give a fuck about the opinions of people who, quite frankly, just don't matter.  Those lessons were hard to learn and those skills were hard-earned.  In the wise words of Jinkx Monsoon, "water off a duck's back."

They also, in a roundabout way, contributed to the amazing process of change and transformation that I've gone through and will not doubt continue to go through as I get older.

I'm grateful to Amanda, Kim, and everyone at Nutritional Healing for being amazing sources of knowledge and inspiration.  I'm so grateful for Anytime Fitness A-West, Neenah, Kaukauna, and A-East for being my homes away from home (seriously, I sometimes feel like I should just rent out a tanning room and move all my stuff in) and excellent cheerleaders (and super fun friends).

I hate to say this adventure is done, because it feels like it's just beginning.  I know I still have a long way to go before I'm where I want to be.  I don't believe in "before and after," I think I'll experience a slow but persistent evolution that will perpetuate forever, hopefully in a positive direction.  However, I have a feeling that the public documentation of it is finished.  It feels like a time for introspection and self-reflection.

With that said, thank you for cheering me on, thank you for the inspiring words, thank you for keeping me motivated.  Thank you for being my shoulders to cry on and my cheerleaders to high-five when things have been awesome.

Simplification

I've found that this journey into a healthy lifestyle has, in large part, been about simplification.

Yeah, I don't know what theclothdiaperreport.com is, nor do I care...but this is EXACTLY what my mantra has been lately.

Scientific fact: This cures cramps.

Simplification of my diet: If you can't read the ingredients, don't eat it.  Unless it's a Dove chocolate square and you have wicked PMS and/or cramps.  Then go ahead and eat it.  Simple as that.  (There's a little more to it than that, courtesy of my nutritionist, but really, that's the general idea.)


Simplification of my exercise routine: it went from sporadic or nonexistant to steady and predictable.  This sounds monotonous and horrible, I know, but it's anything but.  When I say "steady and predictable," what I mean is, I know I will go to the gym every day (that's the goal...6 days out of 7 is more realistic for me...gotta give myself a day off just in case, that way when I do make it in every day I feel extra awesome!).  What I do at the gym is different just about every time.  If I'm with my personal trainer, I know I will sweat my face off until I feel like I'm going to fall over, though going in to it I never know what he's going to make me do.  It's simple though...he chooses, and I do it.  On days I'm by myself, I either recycle one of the dozens of workouts he's made and written out for me, or I do cardio.  Or both.  It's simple: I show up, work out, and go home.

Am I the only one who thinks this graphic looks like they stripped the skin off the Incredible Hulk?  That's actually the only reason I chose this :)

Simplification of my life in general: If I don't wear or use something on the reg, it's going to Goodwill or the junk store.  Books I've read but am not in love with?  Gone.  Old clothes that no longer fit or that just aren't my style?  Gone.  Kitchen gadgets that are taking up all my counter space?  Gone.  I'm still working on this, but my goal is that everything in my home should be either beautiful or useful.  Hopefully both.  No room for extra crap that's there just for the sake of being there.  Extra things to clean, extra things to dust, extra things to find places for.  Every extra item in my home is a needless distraction and takes time from the things I need to be doing and want to be doing...cooking, working out, studying, spending time with my husband, friends, family, and diggity dog.

Cutting out things that aren't conducive to my goals: You may not know that in addition to pursuing new goals in health and fitness, I'm also a graduate student.  This means I have no money for anything extra and no time/patience for anything I don't need to be wasting my time on.
Por ejemplo...
My husband and I got rid of our cell phones over a year ago and rarely miss them.  Yes, it was nice having the internet in my purse.  The GPS was super convenient.  Candy Crush was addicting.  But we both started to feel tethered to our phones.  Reachable at all times, dependent on them, addicted to them.  So we cancelled our plans.  A couple of months ago, I decided to get a cell phone again.  I hate it.  Now, the cell phone that I purchased is just a Tracfone...nothing fancy, but I can call and text and (theoretically) use the internet if I need to.  I bought it in May and I've used it twice.  Seriously, the thing came with 10 minutes on it and I still have 6 of them.  And yes, smartphones have buttloads of amazing health and fitness and nursing and grad school related apps that would likely enhance my life, but I'm doing just fine without a phone.  Once you cut a $200 monthly bill out of your life, it's really hard to justify adding it back in.

We just cancelled Netflix.  I will really miss The Walking Dead, but will Netflix help me meet or exceed my goals of working out daily, losing weight, and maintaining my 4.0 GPA for as long as humanly possible?  No, no it will not.


Time Warner Cable.  First of all, I hate them, but we need the internet and a landline (since we are cell phone-less as discussed above).  Basic cable came with our condo rental, and we decided to get the extra "premium" channels.  I will miss Girls and Nurse Jackie, but again, will HBO and Showtime help me meet or exceed the aforementioned goals?  NO.  I have no room in my life any more for things that don't contribute to the cause of making me better, so cable went away also.


Now, if you have cable, and Netflix, and cell phones, and extra stuff in your house, THAT'S FINE.  I'm in no position to judge anyone else's life (unless you're seriously a hoarder, and then it would come from a place of love and concern, because that shit isn't safe).  I just know I need to streamline as much as possible.  My little family, my education, and my health are my top priorities in no particular order (and besties, please know you are included in the family portion of that list) and everything else best be getting out of my way.

Also, if you have Netflix, you should probably give me your password so I can sneak in an episode of The Walking Dead once in awhile.  I promise not to judge your "Recently Viewed" list too harshly. :)