Barbara Walters

Recently, my nutritionist asked me to film a testimonial to use in their office and/or on commercials.  I was flattered, honored, and, quite frankly, surprised to be asked.

But I'd be lying if I said I had no reservations.

My first thought was, "Uh, are you sure you want a client that has a solid 100lb left to lose to represent your business?"

But then I thought, "Hell, yes, you want me to do it.  Because I'm frickin awesome."

Because if a sedentary lady who was 200lb overweight, works full time, goes to graduate school full time, and volunteers for BBBS every week can make time to make health and fitness a priority, anybody can.

So, I said yes.

I went to the interview today.

It.  Was.  So.  Nervewracking.

Last time I did something similar, it was for live TV.  My palms were sweaty and cold and I was a little nauseated.

I thought...well, this time it's just me and my interviewer and a cameraman.  The interviewer's name was Bill Murray.  So excellent.

Sadly, 'twas not this Bill Murray.  But he was pretty cool nonetheless.

They're going to keep rolling until they get good footage and just use that, so it won't be so bad.

Or so I thought.

Until I cried.

Yes, that's right, I cried.  While being interviewed.  For a frickin commercial.  They were taping the entire time.  I probably had snot bubbles and everything.  Are you surprised?  I cry all the damn time!  Soooooooooo awkward.

But in my defense, it's not my fault.

He totally "Barbara Walters-ed" me.

If her tactics make Oprah cry, what hope did I have of keeping my tears in check?

After talking about the weight I've lost, doing the obligatory "posing" that comes along with it (awkward but hilarious), talking about why I believe in Nutritional Healing, and how amazeballs I feel, he asked how I felt before.

So, I started rattling of info about my sleep apnea, my hypertension and palpitations, and my crappy energy level, he stopped me and said "that's great, but we also need to hear about how you FELT before."

So I thought about it for a second.  And promptly lost my shit.

I started talking about how I didn't feel like a good nurse, a good wife, a good friend, or even a good mom to Taco.  About how I missed out on things and held myself back from doing things because I had no stamina and no energy.  About how my self-worth and pride were about a zero on a 1-10 scale.  While talking about these things, I cried big fat crocodile tears.  I actually wore makeup, and my tears left glamorous tracks riiiiiight through it.

I SAID ALL OF THIS STUFF.  OUT LOUD.  WHILE BEING FILMED.  FOR A TELEVISION COMMERCIAL.

I'm all about honesty and transparency, but DAMMIT ANYWAY, WHY COULDN'T I JUST HOLD MY SHIT TOGETHER??

Le sigh.


And that's what happens when the most awkward, emotional woman in northeast Wisconsin films a video testimonial.

Oh well.  I'll be interested to see the final product of today's ridiculousness. :)

FEEL ALLLLLLLL THE FEELINGS!

Before I started working out and eating healthier, I was warned.  I can't say I went into this blind.  No less than half a dozen people told me to prepare for serious feelings.  

Drawing lovingly borrowed from Allie Brosh at hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com.  Go check her out, she's effing hilarious.

So you think you are prepared.  After all, people warned you!  There would be tears; oh so many tears.  After all, you already cry all the time anyway: when you're overtired, when you're overwhelmed, when your husband is overwhelmed, when your dog looks cute, when that Pure Michigan commercial with the dad and daughter fishing comes on, at the end of every episode of The Dog Whisperer, listening to every single Ray Lamontagne and Ben Harper song ever recorded, when you have PMS, if you have a headache, if you need a nap...honestly, it doesn't take much to make you cry.  And not, like, cute crying, with a few little tears that don't even smudge your mascara (if you wore any) that you can dab away with a little lace trimmed hanky.  NO.  YOU ARE A STRAIGHT UP UGLY CRIER ON A REGULAR BASIS.  THIS IS THE ONLY THING YOU HAVE IN COMMON WITH KIM KARDASHIAN, AND YOU OWN IT.

Above: You, crying.

What you will be completely UNprepared for, however, is the first time you almost cry during a workout.  And it won't be because the exercise is too hard (I mean, yeah, it's hella hard, but not like CRYING hard.  Your trainer isn't asking you to give birth or anything).  It won't be because you're proud (you are, but not any more so than any other workout).

Nope, it'll be because this is the first exercise that literally puts you in a vulnerable position.  Your hands will both be occupied, steadying the huge bar that is across your shoulders.  You will have no way of wielding off anybody who gets too close and tries to touch or harass you.

"OMG, why am I being such a freak about this?" is what you will be thinking to yourself as you try blink back the one tear that's trying to escape.  You're at the gym, for god's sake...what do you think is going to happen?  Everyone is nice and there are security cameras everywhere!  Your trainer is literally 2 feet from you, ready to jump in should anything go awry.

You will get over it, tell your trainer this exercise is scary for you, and do it anyway.

Then, you will go home and think about why you feel this way.  Years of verbal assaults from strangers have left you feeling vulnerable to strangers, and vulnerable to physical threats, as well (even if the physical threats don't actually exist).  You like being able to deflect blows (mostly with your words or middle fingers). While having all four limbs in use while working out is nothing foreign to you, this particular exercise is the first time you've been unable to step off a machine or throw a dumbbell to the ground in an instant if you need to make a quick getaway.

You will realize that this really is mostly a mental battle, and you have a lot of crap to get over.

You will get over it, and do it anyway. :)