Buddy Workouts

As much as I enjoy my one-on-one time with my trainer, my GOD I love buddy workouts!  Tonight I got to work out with the lovely Sandy and Jen...both women who have done amazing things.  AMAZING, powerful, inspirational women who I am so lucky to know and call friends.

I managed to keep up with them, didn't die, trained with a trainer I've never worked out with before (which, for those of you who know how awkward I am in new situations and how much Xanax it requires for me to do things that scare me, is an accomplishment in and of itself) AND the session was an hour, which is twice as long as I normally work out with my usual trainer (and at the end of my normal half hours, my body is completely smoked and I just want to pass out).

I laughed SO hard during this work out, it's hard to know if my abs are sore because of the core circuit (which was challenging) or because Sandy is HILARIOUS and I couldn't stop laughing the entire time!

Also...does anybody else feel like they're cheating on their trainer when they work out with someone else?  I know they all work for the same place and are colleagues and support ALL the gym members, not just the ones they train with...but it kind of made me feel like a gym slut.

With that said, it was awesome.  I had to do wall sits and push ups, which I HATE.  But I also got to do ab mat sit ups, planks, ball slams, rope slams, and lots of kettlebell stuff, which I LOVE.  And even the stuff I hate wasn't too bad, because I had my lovely partners in crime there to cheer me on.

If you go to Anytime and ever want to do a buddy workout, LET ME KNOW!

Thanks, Sandy, Jen, and Kirk for an awesome hour!!

Judgement, Fat Discrimination, and the Isolation of Obesity

Read the letter below, and think about it for a second.

This letter wasn't to me, but it may as well have been.

For the record, let me say this:  

Yes, I realize that I have not been marginalized as much as, say, ethnic or religious minorities.

Yes, I realize that some of my attributes that apparently invite discrimination were self-induced.

But anyone who thinks that fat discrimination isn't a "thing" is delusional, and/or blind.

If you are an average-sized human, ESPECIALLY AN AVERAGE-SIZED CIS-MALE HUMAN, I ask you this...how many times have you received a letter like this?  How many times have you been shouted at from passing cars, or laughed at by bitches at the YMCA?  How many times have you been reduced to tears because somebody made a hateful comment about your appearance?

My guess is: NEVER.  

And that's awesome.  Because nobody should be reduced to tears by hateful comments about their appearance.  It's just unacceptable.

For some reason that I can't fathom, people feel that women's bodies are theirs to comment on. Especially if you are not a Victoria's Secret model.  Too fat, too thin, too "mannish."  Omg, that crazy hippie doesn't shave her legs.  Holy crap, that girl should NOT be wearing leggings.  Eat a sandwich, you look anorexic.  Just because it zips, doesn't mean it fits.

I've been subjected to this kind of awful attitude more times than I care to remember.  I can't imagine what on God's green earth would EVER possess anyone to say or write this kind of thing to another human.  

I will never, EVER, forget the first time this happened to me.  It was my freshman spring at UWSP, and I went for a walk on a glorious afternoon.  Four guys in a blue car drove past and slowed down just long enough to shout "You need to start running, you fat bitch!" before peeling away and laughing their stupid faces off.  It was just another in a series of comments, looks, laughs, and rude comments that cut me down again, and again, and again, until I believed I was worth nothing.  I thought I deserved nothing but a lifetime of those kinds of comments.

There are people out there who seriously think that fat-shaming will motivate fat people to get thin.

Do you know what is really does?  

It makes them hide.  It makes them become binge-eaters because they don't know how to deal with their shame.  It makes them vomit.  It makes them start taking Xanax and Citalopram because of their crushing depressive disorder and nauseating anxiety (which, no doubt, contributed to their obesity in the first place).  In spite of those who love them (including fab friends, supportive siblings and parents, and an amazeballs husband), they have no idea WHY anybody cares about them so much, because they feel worthless.

Sometimes, it makes them wish they were dead.  Not because their life is awful...it's not.  They have the aforementioned amazing support system and a lot of things going for them.  But because they're not confident they can endure a lifetime of this kind of cruelty.

It's unbelievably isolating.

Until one day, the lucky ones realize they are worth so much more than they ever realized.  

Who knows what brings on this realization.  Maybe they are in a new relationship.  Maybe they read a motivating book or article.

Maybe they receive a life-changing gift from a complete stranger.  For the first time in forever, they think "holy crap, somebody has faith in me.  Somebody believes I can do this."

"SOMEBODY THINKS I'M WORTH IT."

(FYI, the "they" in this story is me, if you hadn't caught my drift)

Thanks, again, Jen.  If I said it a million times, it wouldn't be enough.

Music

It took me for frickin ever to find music that would motivate me while working out.

Cardio is no problem (music wise)...just about any fast song will do.

My problem is strength training.  When I don't have my trainer with me to push me when I want to stop, I need music to push me.

The songs have to have a good beat.  Not too fast, because I find that I naturally fall in rhythm with the songs...if the beat is too fast, I'll die and/or pass out.

The songs also have to either sound powerful or have motivating lyrics...hopefully both, but this is a rare find.  Most of my lifting songs sound just plain angry.  Which truthfully is motivating in and of itself, and makes me feel like a hard ass.

Need some new music?  Here are my current playlists...

Cardio:
Come get it Bae - Pharrell and Miley
Forever - Chris Brown (you have NO IDEA how embarrassed I am to admit that I like a Chris Brown song.  NO.  IDEA.)
Give a Little - Hanson (no, I'm not kidding.  This song is awesome)
If - Janet Jackson
Love Runs Out - One Republic
Milkshake - Kelis (mostly because it's hilarious)
On Top of the World - Imagine Dragons
Pink & Blue - Outkast
Runaway Baby - Bruno Mars (this song is amazing for sprint intervals, just FYI...thank God it's short because I'm almost dead by the time it's over)
White Walls - Macklemore (my jam.  I sing this song to my dog all the time and he hates it so much)
Work Bitch - Britney Spears
All My Life - Foo Fighters
Can't Hold Us - Macklemore
New Shoes - Paolo Nutini
Since U Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson
Monkey Wrench - Foo Fighters
Fall Down - will.i.am and Miley
Times Like These - Foo Fighters
Ten Feet Tall - Afrojack (Thanks, Jen!)

This glorious playlist is an hour and ten minutes long, I finish my workout with a few songs to spare for stretching.  Huzzah!

Strength Training:
Personal Jesus - Marilyn Manson
Them Bones - Alice in Chains
I Alone - Live
In Bloom - Nirvana
Mosh - Eminem 
All My Life - Foo Fighters (yes, this song is on both lists.  I have such a boner for Dave Grohl, it's not even funny)
Living Dead Girl - Rob Zombie
The Motto - Drake (I hate Drake so much, but dang this song is catchy)
The Beautiful People - Marilyn Manson
Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana
Remember The Name - Fort Minor (this is, hands down, my favorite song on this list.  Be warned, it's listed as "explicit lyrics," but some of the lyrics are so, so motivating)
The Fight Song - Marilyn Manson
Dragula - Rob Zombie
Empty Spaces - Fuel
Would? - Alice in Chains
Heart-shaped Box - Nirvana

1 hour 1 minute of bad-assery.  Like I said, lots of angry music, great for throwing weights around and making me feel like a boss ass b*tch.

I really wanted to add some AC/DC to my strength training playlist, but all I can find on Spotify are stupid cover bands.  Thunderstruck would be amazing for strength training.


Anyone else feel wicked motivated by their workout music?  Anyone have any suggestions for new songs?  I shuffle the lists so I never know what I'm going to get next, but I'd give it another few weeks before I'm in need of fresh songs.

Thanks for keeping me motivated, you gorgeous man you.

Think you can't do it alone?

So, you want to get healthy.  Awesome!

To you, maybe that means losing weight.

Maybe it means eating more vegetables.

Maybe it means gaining muscle.

Maybe it means training to run your first 5K.

Whatever it means, good for you!  Some say deciding to "get healthy" is the hardest part of the entire process.  I both agree and disagree.  It is mentally exhausting and stressful.  You are worried about the level of commitment you're about to make.  Can you handle it?  Will you fail?  What if you can't do it?

If you've tried to get healthy before and not been successful, you may be asking the most terrifying question of all:

Can I handle ANOTHER failure?

If you're anything like me, the answer is: Probably not.

So, you want to get healthy.  But you don't take action, because you're afraid of failing.  You think maybe failing at this means you're a failure in general.  You worry that people will think you're weak, have no willpower, or are lazy if you don't have the success you're looking for.

This was the story of my life, from approximately age 14 until 31.  That's a long time to feel like a failure.  It's a loooooooong time to not understand why you just can't do it, when it seems to come so easily to others.

Here, in an effort to be transparent, I offer you the complete list of failed weight loss attempts in my life, in no particular order:

Atkins - this was delicious (read: lots of bacon) until I realized that a diet of bacon and Jell-O does not a healthy Angie make.

Weight Watchers - multiple times.  The science behind this program makes very little sense to me, which I'm sure is one of many reasons I was unsuccessful.

Transitions - had great success for the 12 week duration of the program, but when left to my own devices, maintenance was a huge issue.  Obviously.

Straight up starvation - uncomfortable AND ineffective.

That cayenne and lemon cleanse crap.  Yuck

Cabbage soup diet.  Yuck

Curves - this was always fun, but never really gave me a decent workout.  Plus, I had no idea what constituted an appropriate diet for my age/weight/activity level.

YMCA - fantastic cardio equipment...intimidating dudes in weight belts grunting and giving me the stink eye in the weight room.

Aloe Juice

Alli

Stackers - holy heart palpitations, Batman!

Ephedrine - holy heart palpitations, Batman!

Metabolife - holy heart palpitations, Batman!

Vomiting - seriously, I wish I was kidding about this.  It was sometimes unintentional, but always gross.

Calorie counting - exhausting.  Just exhausting and awful in every way.  Plus, just because you're eating less than 1500 calories per day (or whatever the number) doesn't mean you're eating a healthy diet or a diet that is conducive to weight loss

Probably more attempts that I'm forgetting...there have been SO MANY

The one thing all these attempts have in common?

I WAS TRYING TO DO IT ALONE.

Now, wait a minute, you say, Weight Watchers has group leaders!

Indeed they do.  However, the dynamic between leader and member is SO important, and mine was not great.  I had a fantastic leader initially, whom I had great success with.  She was motivating, always encouraging, and yet somehow pushed me to be better.  I loved her.  And then she left to go back to school, which is awesome for her, but not so awesome for me (SELFISH ALERT)!

The leader I had after that did not jive with my needs.  Everyone is different, and she did great things for a lot of people.  But not me.  Another failure to add to the list.  Spectacular.

Now, there are some people who can do it alone and have amazing successes getting healthy!  They can look up a marathon training program online, complete it alone, and run that marathon with no guidance whatsoever.  To these people, I say, kudos to you, and I am jealous.

I, on the other hand, need some serious hand holding.  I need someone to tell me to do something and then tell me I can do it when I protest.  I need someone to make me do scary things and then high five me after I do them.  I need somebody to weigh and measure me on a regular basis, high five me when it's awesome, and help me figure out what the hell happened when it's less than awesome.  

I guess through this rambling, What I'm trying to say is this:

If you think you can't do it alone, you're probably right.

And that's fine!  There's absolutely no shame in needing support, help, and accountability.

If that's what it takes for you to met your goals, DO IT.  DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT!  

Because there's no way in hell I would be able to do this without my dream support team: Jen (my main motivator and gift-giver), Donovan (my daily ass-kicker, aka personal trainer), and Amanda (my nutritionist, aka the boss).

Zombies

On days that I don't get a chance to work out (which are few and far between), I feel icky.  As much as I don't always enjoy what my trainer makes me do (Push ups and squats, thanks but no thanks), I always love the way it makes me feel.

I've discovered ways to make the unpleasant things more pleasant.

For example:

Fat Amy/Fat Patricia knows what's UP.

Cardio.  I hate cardio with the fire of a thousand suns.  I feel guilty walking on a treadmill when I could be at home walking Taco (sadly, in order to make that even close to a workout, we need to walk for like 2 hours because that fool is SO SLOW...he has to stop, sniff, and pee on every tree, building, hedge, and hydrant we pass).  I get bored on bikes and elliptical trainers, because my attention span is about that of a 3-year-old.  My one saving grace?

The Walking Dead.  I love The Walking Dead.  Since Jeff isn't a fan, it's now my elliptical show...one 45-minute episode is a decent cardio workout (God bless Netflix).  Plus, I turn it into a game, which I highly suggest.

1) Every time Rick says "Carl, get in the house!" - 1 minute sprint

2) Every time someone shouts "Walkers!" - resistance increases by 1
3) Every time Lori does something annoying - incline increases by 1  This is subjective but happens a lot because I HATE Lori...of course, now she's dead (I'm only midway through season 3) so number three, from this point forward, will be something probably related to the Governor or his creepy town.  Or maybe Daryl, because DAY-UMN.

Sorry, Jeff, but it's true.

4) Every time a walker gets stabbed or shot in the head - backwards for 1 minute
5) Every time Merle stabs someone with his sword hand - 1 minute sprint

I was going to add one for when Rick dramatically eye fucks the camera, but that happens so often that I would die before the end of my workout.


Anyway, the moral of the story is, I'm happy I finally found a way to enjoy cardio.  I look forward to the elliptical now, because it's 45 minutes of uninterrupted zombies and gore.

So thank you to AMC for the glorious creation that is The Walking Dead.  I love you all so very much.

Today's special

Today, I got to do an AWESOME workout...a tandem workout with the lovely and amazing Jen M, my HERO and inspiration!

I've never worked out with anybody before, especially somebody who's been working out for so long and is in much better shape than myself, and I have to admit...I was really excited but had a bit of trepidation going in to this workout.  How am I going to keep up with Jen in beast mode?  This woman works out like a fiend and has lost well over 100 pounds (like I said, she's amazing)!

As always, my nervousness was unfounded and the workout was awesome.  The half hour flew by.  It was tiring (as always) but it was SO fun being there with Jen!

Also, proud moment: did my first ever "non-cheater" planks, on my toes instead of my knees.  It hurt so frickin bad and was surprisingly tiring.  My abs are already sore...can't wait to see what they'll feel like tomorrow.

I hope it's the former.

Thanks for the buddy workout, Jen!  It was awesome!

Awkwardsauce

Anybody else have exercises that make them feel HELLA awkward?

There aren't many, for me (so far)...amazing, since I feel at least a little awkward on a routine basis.

  But I have to say, the few that are awkward make me want to giggle like a twelve-year-old in sex ed class.

I submit for your approval...exercises that, while effective, feel really silly:

Make sure you use protection.

Exhibit A: Hip thrusters, or glute bridges, or whatever the heck you want to call this particular exercise.  It feels like you're trying to hump the ceiling, or are auditioning to be...ahem...a "dancer."  It always makes me want to giggle uncontrollably, because my maturity level is below average for a professional woman of my age.

This person's outfit isn't nearly slutty
enough to be doing pole squats.

Exhibit B: Pole squats.  They even SOUND hilarious.  Again, super effective and a good first step into squat-land...but I feel like I'm in stripper school, and I have a hard time not singing "Hot for Teacher" or "Cherry Pie" while I do these.









That's about all, for now.  Surprising, given my infantile sense of humor.