Things

Questions I have and things that will happen to you after you start working out (and by you, I mean me):

1) Why didn't anybody tell me that workouts are AMAZING for rage management?  I should probably preface this by saying I don't generally have rage issues, I'm not an extraordinarily angry person.  But there are a very select few people on earth that I hate with the fire of a thousand suns.  Slamming a (conveniently head-shaped but quite sizeable) medicine ball into the ground repeatedly as I silently curse their very names is so very therapeutic.

Attention assholes: This is your stupid head.  I will drop it like 4th period French.

Hint: it's this.  I fucking HATE this shit.  

2) Don't EVER tell your trainer which exercises you hate.  He will evilly use this information against or for you (depending on how you look at the situation).

3) You will secretly know that #2 is for your own good.  Dammit.

4) You will watch other people working out and think "holy shit, I can't do that!"  You will have to remind yourself that just one short week ago, you DREADED your first workout and thought it'd be awful...turns out, it was, but you look forward to your workouts now because it was also friggin fantastic.  Also, you need to remind yourself that you whipped through one of your workouts so much faster than your trainer expected that he had to wing it and come up with more shit for you to do on the spot (boom, bitches).  Then you will think "holy crap, my week was awesome.  I can do a lot of stuff."  Then you will rephrase... "holy shit, I can't wait to learn to do that."

5) When your trainer tells you that you should be excited when he introduces you to burpees, you will momentarily suspect that he has a serious crack habit, and then remember where you are and who you're talking to, and that suspicion will pass.  No disrespect, my friend, but excitement for burpees?  Player please.

6) Why in the holy hell did nobody share this secret with me: eating well is 1 billion times easier when you exercise regularly?  Going into it, the thought is "man, I have to focus on TWO life changes, not just one."  It seems pretty daunting.  The reality is; when you sweat your everloving ass off, you don't want to fuck it up and/or waste your time by going home and eating crap.  I'm actually kind of pissed about this one (not really...but also...yeah).

7) On a similar note, you will start to crave meat like a caveman.  Even though you are a vegetarian and haven't had meat in about 2 years, and the butchering/prep process grosses you out to no end...you will still want meat.  Dammit.

This will be you.

8) You will become a huge dork who blogs about working out.