Trust the Process

I have a confession to make.





I weigh myself every day.

Sometimes multiple times a day.

I know, it's horrible.  My trainer AND my nutritionist both tell me, in the nicest way possible, that I'm a freakin' idiot for doing this.  And yet I can't stop.

I have to do it.  I don't punish myself on "bad" days or reward myself on "good" days, I just have to know what the scale says!

I feel weird when I don't weigh myself.  It's obsessive and I know it's bad, but I do it.  Confession over.


Let's talk about why this may be the crappiest idea ever.

Last month, I went to my nutritionist's office for my body comp appt, like I always do.  She weighs and measures me, sticks the EKG patches to my hand and foot and then we chat about how things went and she answers my 10,000 inevitable questions.

Last month, I weighed in at 255, which for me is pretty damn good.  Friggin amazeballs good, actually.

The next day, and for about 2 weeks afterward, I consistently weighed in at 255.  Sometimes my body likes to hold on to weight for as long as humanly possible and then drop several pounds overnight, so I wasn't too concerned or annoyed at this point.

Then, things took what I thought was a horrible turn.  My weight started to creep upwards.  A few days later, it was 257.  Then 260.  261.  262.  Another week and a half later and I was holding steady at 266.

And I was PISSED.

I was (am) still working out as much as I have been for the past year, 5-6x weekly for an hour.  I had (have) been eating the same healthy, whole foods as I always have been.

Why in the holy hell had I gained 11 pounds in less than a month?  I could understand it if I had avoided the gym all month and taken to eating a steady diet of cupcakes and Cheetos.  In fact, I briefly considered eating cupcakes and Cheetos, because why not?  If I'm going to gain weight anyway, I might as well go down in flames...

About 4 days before my nutritionist appointment, my weight started to trend downwards.  It finally "landed" at 256, one pound above where I'd started the month (although my bathroom is an electromagnetic black hole...every scale that enters it becomes 2-5 lb heavy within 6 weeks, no lie).

I asked my nutritionist about my body's love of holding on to weight and then dumping several pounds instantaneously instead of gradually letting it go.  Apparently, normal.  I also asked her about my rapid weight gain this month and told her how pissed I was.  After telling me (again) to stop weighing myself every damn day, she told me this can be normal, too.  *le sigh*  I don't WANT to gain weight when I'm working my ass off!  Even if it's muscle and water (two things that I actually need to gain).

I hopped on the scale.

253.

Ok, not fantastic, but a loss.  I'll take it.

Then she did my body composition analysis.

And this, my friends, is why you should not weigh yourself every day.


Even though I "only" lost 2 lb on the scale, I lost 12 lb of fat.

I also gained muscle and several pounds of water.  I know a lot of people hear "water weight gain" and think of edema or bloating, but I'm chronically dehydrated despite drinking 3-5 Nalgenes of water a day, so for me, numerous pounds of water weight gain was excellent news.

The moral of the story?

I hate hokey crap.  "Trust the process."  "Find your zen." "Keep calm and carry on." "#blessed" "If you build it, they will come." 

Ugh.  Just give me the info and/or tell me what to do without the crispy new age coating, please.

But in this case, true.  Trust the process, indeed.  "The process" has been serving me well for over a year now, one perceived setback shouldn't derail me.

Especially because it turned out to be AWESOME and not a setback at all.

Jen, Amanda, and Donovan are my dream team

As we're nearing my one year fit-iversary, there are some serious thank yous in order.  Consider this my Oscar speech to the awesome trifecta that keeps me going.

Oh!  This is so unexpected, I don't even have a speech prepared...

JEN, MY QUEEN.

Oh, Jen.  I've said it before and I'll say it again.  I adore your face off.  My life would be so different if I hadn't been fortunate enough to win Pay it Forward last year.  I would still feel like crap and treat my body like crap allllll the time.  I'd be tired and sad and miserable.  I'd be pretending to be happy and feeling anything but.  You are such an amazing role model and friend to me.  I'm SO lucky to know you!

AMANDA.

You, my dear, are amazing.  I look forward to our appointments with you and love when I run into you at the gym!  You've taught me to fuel my body to be my best and to stop treating my body like a garbage disposal and instead, treat it like the amazing, beautiful machine that it is.  Seems simple, but for me, it was a revelation!  I hope everyone who works with you knows how lucky they are.

DONOVAN.

I know you've told me I'm the one doing the work, not you, but that's not entirely true.  Without your guidance, support, and motivation, I wouldn't have come nearly as far this year as I have.  And it's not just about the weight I've lost.  I've overcome so many things by realizing and improving my strength and have uncovered self-confidence that I didn't even know I had.  A million thank you's aren't enough.

EVERYONE ELSE.

If you're reading this, you've also been an integral part of this adventure.  Whether from words of encouragement, high-fives, emotional support, listening to my constant complaining/stories/bragging, whatever. You all rock my socks off.

In response to the responses...

So, my last entry seriously pissed some people off, apparently.  

And I'm sorry about that.

Not for what I wrote.  Not to sound like a petulant child, but this is my blog and I will write as I see fit.  It will always be my opinion and my experiences, not yours.  If you disagree with what I'm saying, that's cool (and to be expected...if we were all the same, the world would be pretty dang dull).  Start your own blog and write whatever the hell you want.  Heck, start a blog about how stupid I am and how I know nothing about meal replacement products.  I'm sure you'd get quite a few followers.

BUT.

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE ALERT:  If my "slamming" your beloved meal replacements upsets you so much that you need to write me a nasty Facebook message about it, I urge you to check your priorities.  That goes for all of you who felt the need to send me messages, or wrote posts about me...even if you were "clever" enough to do it passive-aggressively (without mentioning me by name).  You know who you are.  

Is my opinion about meal replacements really THAT important to you?  Honestly?

Are your meal replacements really worth attacking someone over?  

Are they really?  

REALLY?

Because they're meal replacements and I'm a human.  I'm just saying.  That's messed up.  I mean, I know I tipped your sacred cow...but dang.

To close, let me quote myself directly from the blog that pissed people off so very much:


If you choose to drink/eat this stuff, more power to you!  I've just been asked repeatedly why I don't, and growing increasingly frustrated with all the propaganda that comes my way from well-meaning friends.  Just like the clothes you wear, totally your choice.  Just 100% not for me. :)




Totally your choice.  More power to you.  Just 

100% not for me.  The end.

MIC DROP.

Your meal replacement product is absolute crap.

Let me start by saying this is strictly my opinion of products.  NOT the people who sell them.  Also...it's an opinion.  I'm not an expert (obvi).

Now that I have your attention...

Hi there.

People ask me all the time what steps I've taken to lose all this weight and get heathier this year.

When I tell them, "clean eating and LOTS of exercise," the vast majority of them stand there, waiting for me to continue speaking.  When I don't, they invariably ask...

"No supplements?"

"No meal replacements?"

No.  None of that stuff.

Actual, factual food, and real, hard work.  Boom.  End of story.

When they then ask why I don't use Shakeology/Isagenix/Advocare/Herbalife, my response is invariably say this:
1) I'm doing fantastic without it.
2) most of them suck and aren't really that healthy
3) I'm not a fan of MLM in general
4) I don't want to pay for something that I feel has no value

I have a science background.   Buzzwords don't get me excited.  Facts do.

If this is the healthiest meal of your day, I'd hate to see what kind of crap you're eating the rest of the day.

You know what else builds champions?  Hard work.

No comment.

Their logo is green, so it has to be healthy...right?

Now, I know I just raised a lot of hackles.  Like half the people I know from the gym are slaves to Isagenix.  An online fitness group I participate in is on the Shakeology train.  I have co-workers who sell and use Herbalife, and relatives that sell and use Advocare.  Universally, people who use this type of product are fanatically devoted to it.  And that's cool...whatever floats your boat!

I just don't feel any of it is necessary, or healthy.

Here is why.

Exhibit A:  http://www.ancestral-nutrition.com/an-unbiased-review-of-herbalife/

Exhibit B: http://www.ancestral-nutrition.com/unbiased-review-shakeology/

Exhibit C: http://www.ancestral-nutrition.com/an-unbiased-review-of-isagenix/

Exhibit D: http://www.ancestral-nutrition.com/an-unbiased-review-of-advocare/

Please read the one(s) that pertain to you.  I'll wait here.

Ok, now that you've read the one(s) that pertain to you and are armed with a billion reasons why X-brand shake and bar and vitamins are the best thing ever, let me lay this on you...

I am aware that Dani's research is imperfect.  However, it's the first research I've seen that wasn't funded and published by the company selling the product.

I've seen dozens upon dozens of articles touting the awesomeness of these products.  I've seen Facebook links to information about their "nutritional quality."  100% of these articles and links have been directly from the company itself.

That's not research, guys.

That's propaganda.

And after every article about the "nutritional quality" are testimonials.  Sometimes the testimonials are from happy customers.  SOMETIMES THEY ARE FROM PEOPLE WHO'VE MADE A LOT OF MONEY PEDDLING THIS STUFF.  Red flag, yo.  The people I know that sell and use these products are good people...but it's easy to see how some shady characters could take serious advantage of people.  This is why I don't like MLM.

I've also had a lot of conversations with friends saying, "Well, X-brand may not be perfect, but it's better than Y-brand."

Being the best out of a category of not great things is still not good.

I think the number one reason why these products piss me off is this...

Many of them are officially called "meal replacement" items, but are heavily marketed as weight loss items.  "Slimcakes?"  "Isalean?"  "Advocare: We build champions?"  Come on.  Tell me that's not pushing overweight people to drop ten tons of money on snacks and shakes filled with chemicals, sugars, and GMOs, with a few "organic superfoods" thrown in to make the package wording sound appealing.

Every health professional I've talked to (not fitness professionals, heath professionals...nurses, doctors, chiropractors, and nutritionists) has told me they would never recommend this stuff to their clients or patients.  They do admit they've had patients who've lost weight using these products, but the vast majority have gained it back, plus some, once they stop the system.

And don't even get me started on cleanses.  Unless you have renal disease or liver failure, or for some reason, your body doesn't sweat, poop, or pee, I'm pretty sure Mother Nature designed your body to effectively "cleanse" itself without any outside help or starving.


I'm going to go ahead and read some of your minds right now...
Uh, Angie, WTF makes you such an expert?
You've only been "living this lifestyle" for like a year, what do you know?
Have you ever even TRIED these products?

Not an expert, just sharing my opinion and some unbiased, non-sponsored research.
In "living this lifestyle" along with my years of school in biochemistry, anatomy, physiology, and pathophysiology, I know a few things about the human body and how it works...and about how my human body has responded to exercise and real food.
I've tried three of the four companies and was not impressed by any of them.


I have a long way to go on my journey, but I've already come pretty far without the help of additives.  I think people sometimes want an easy solution, and that's not realistic.

If you choose to drink/eat this stuff, more power to you!  I've just been asked repeatedly why I don't, and growing increasingly frustrated with all the propaganda that comes my way from well-meaning friends.  Just like the clothes you wear, totally your choice.  Just 100% not for me. :)

Finally...

Just because it's vegan doesn't mean it's healthy.  Oreos are vegan.

Just because its organic doesn't mean it's healthy.  There are organic cigarettes.

EAT REAL FOOD.

Vacation! Subtitle: I am AWESOME.

I just got back from a frickin amazeballs family vacation.  Myself, the hubs, and my mom and pops flew out to Phoenix last week and then met my sibs in Flagstaff.

We stayed in a sweet rental house (thanks, Ma and Pa) and hiked all over God's green earth.


We saw First People's homes built into the sides of cliffs.



We hiked the Grand Canyon.

We hiked for MILES around Sedona.

We went to a weird little town called Jerome, built into the side of a mountain.

We explored Phoenix and Flagstaff.

We sat in a hot tub for hours.

We got up and drove two hours to see an amazing sunrise.

We saw tons of elk so close to us we could have touched them (if it weren't for fleas and early mating-season aggression, that is).

I got to see my college roomie and fetus friend and her husband, and meet their sweet daughter Aida.

I ate fajitas pretty much every day.

I had amazing tequila (sorry not sorry, Amanda and Donovan).




But let's talk about the best parts.

It started with me sitting in an airplane seat comfortably.  My ass fit and everything.  It was a spring break miracle.
And then.  AND THEN!  I buckled my airplane seatbelt.  Without.  A.  Seatbelt.  Extender.  For the first time since before I met my husband.
Then, I put the tray table down and it didn't smack my boobs or my food baby on the way down.
And then I hiked for miles and miles up and down and around a mountain in Sedona and kept up with my family.
And then I hiked straight down into a gorge and back out.
And then I hiked around the Grand Canyon rim.

And then I hiked into the Grand Canyon (not all the way to the bottom, I don't have a death wish) to see a fossil wall and back out.
And then I comfortably sat in yet another airplane seat, buckled yet another airplane seatbelt without an extender, and used another tray table without my boobs or food baby getting in the way.

While tramping all over AZ, I thought a lot about the last vacation I took, when my husband, my bestie and I drove to Montana to meet my siblings.  It was gorgeous and amazing, and I missed out on parts of it because I had no stamina, no energy, and was unbelievably out of shape.  Instead of dwelling on that and feeling sad, I was (am) overjoyed that's no longer the case.  I can do the things I want to (most of them, anyway) and don't have to miss out on anything I want to do because of my fitness, or lack thereof.

Amazing how much can change in just under a year, huh?

Setbacks and Sickness

So...winter can suck it.  Big time.  I've been deaf in my right ear because of a eustacean tube dysfunction for over a month.  It's not awful, but it's annoying, unpleasant, and uncomfortable.  Multiple courses of steroids haven't fixed it, so I'll be half deaf until they figure out the mystery of my right ear.  It's a pain in my ass, but I'm dealing.

However, the past two weeks have been awful.  I got a sinus infection about two weeks ago, which migrated down to my chest and settled into a lovely case of bronchitis.  I've been on Augmentin (finally finished it today, woohoo!) and another steroid burst (four days left, woohoo!) and I still feel like poo.

Even though my voice is back and I'm back at work after missing a few days (thank GOD, I was getting so stinkin' bored), it's hard not to be able to do the things I want to do.

I've only been able to work out twice in the past two weeks, and I had to half-ass it both times.  I tried to run last week and coughed so hard I peed my pants.  I PEED MY MOTHERFUCKING PANTS.  I thought stress incontinence was a hell saved for women who've given birth and/or the elderly.  I was wrong.  Bronchitis is a bitch.


Anyway, I took 5 days off and went back to the gym for a light workout last weekend.  Again, I coughed until I almost fell over.  Awesome.
Today, I went back to workout again, and once again, took it super easy.  I biked, I did abs, I biked some more.  It was awful, because it hardly felt like I did anything.  But I didn't cough nearly as much as last time.  Score!

Since I got sick, I've felt sluggish and lazy and gross and icky in general.  But it's impossible for me to lay on the couch all day and cough.  As soon as I was considered non-contagious, I wanted to hit the gym again.  So I started researching online about exercising with bronchitis.  I'm a nurse, I already knew the answer, and I've given this advice before, but I didn't want to believe it.

In case you were curious, here's what I found.

DON'T DO IT.

Above the neck illness (mild headache, stuffy nose) = go ahead and work out if you feel up to it.

Below the neck illness (lung congestion, cough, vomiting) = stay the hell home and recuperate.

I know, I know, I KNOW...Angie, why you no listen to your own advice??

Pictured above: me

But as many of you know, my biggest fear is complacency.  I've had this mindset that taking a break is not an option...even for illness.  Also, I worry that after missing so many workouts, I've backslid horribly and my progress is going down the crapper with each day spent away from working out.  I worry that when I'm finally able to start hitting it hard again, it'll be like starting all over again - fucking miserable and impossible and the worst thing EVER.  Sad panda face.

PIctured above: me

Well, I've had to change my mindset.  Obviously, because pushing myself too hard through the tail end of this illness could also drag it out for weeks or months - and that's the last thing I want.

I've gotten some sweet and much needed texts, facebook messages, and emails from friends and health professionals that have all told me pretty much the same thing...for the love of God and all that is holy, take it easy on yourself!

I was feeling really badly about not working out and cancelling a bunch of training appointments, but after talking with my trainer today, he also reminded me to listen to myself and ease my way back into it.  And - it's fine, shit happens, tomorrow's a new day and the gym will be waiting when I'm ready.



The moral of the story?

Sometimes your body needs a break.
I am not invincible.
I need to listen to the wisdom of others and take it easy (but I will not be skipping the gym any more...just doing easy workouts for awhile to keep myself moving).
Shit happens, tomorrow is a new day, and the gym will be waiting when I'm ready.

I just wish my lungs would catch up with the rest of me!

A despreate plea on behalf of my trainer

I'm making a desperate plea to all fellow gym-goers out there.

For the love of God and all things holy...

RE-RACK YOUR WEIGHTS.

CLEAN UP AFTER YOUR DAMN SELF.

If you want to see a generally kind, patient, positive, and sweet man (or any gym employee/polite gym-goer, really) get even a little bit annoyed, by all means, leave your weights on the machine.  Hell, leave them on the floor!  Re-rack multiple weights of plates on the same bar (this is most effective if you put 5lb plates under/before like 35-45lb plates). 

Mind you, this same man had the patience to tolerate listening to my whiny voice for 30 straight minutes today without acting upon his probable desire to smack me in the face to shut me up (but come ON, he made me do thrusters.  THRUSTERS, Y'ALL.  UGH.  Plus I'm just having one of those days...)...so it's not as if he's easily annoyed.

But what he cannot tolerate is a messy gym.

YOUR MOTHER DOES NOT WORK AT THE GYM.

YOUR CLEANING LADY/MAID DOES NOT WORK AT THE GYM.

And when you leave your crap all over the place for others (ie, employees, myself, other members) to clean up, it leaves me to draw one of five conclusions:

1) You are oblivious.

2) You were raised by wolves.

3) You are an asshole.

4) You are lazy.

5) Any/all of the above.

Ok, well this last one is sexist, but I can see how it would motivate the "bro" population to clean up after their damn selves.