Jen, Amanda, and Donovan are my dream team

As we're nearing my one year fit-iversary, there are some serious thank yous in order.  Consider this my Oscar speech to the awesome trifecta that keeps me going.

Oh!  This is so unexpected, I don't even have a speech prepared...

JEN, MY QUEEN.

Oh, Jen.  I've said it before and I'll say it again.  I adore your face off.  My life would be so different if I hadn't been fortunate enough to win Pay it Forward last year.  I would still feel like crap and treat my body like crap allllll the time.  I'd be tired and sad and miserable.  I'd be pretending to be happy and feeling anything but.  You are such an amazing role model and friend to me.  I'm SO lucky to know you!

AMANDA.

You, my dear, are amazing.  I look forward to our appointments with you and love when I run into you at the gym!  You've taught me to fuel my body to be my best and to stop treating my body like a garbage disposal and instead, treat it like the amazing, beautiful machine that it is.  Seems simple, but for me, it was a revelation!  I hope everyone who works with you knows how lucky they are.

DONOVAN.

I know you've told me I'm the one doing the work, not you, but that's not entirely true.  Without your guidance, support, and motivation, I wouldn't have come nearly as far this year as I have.  And it's not just about the weight I've lost.  I've overcome so many things by realizing and improving my strength and have uncovered self-confidence that I didn't even know I had.  A million thank you's aren't enough.

EVERYONE ELSE.

If you're reading this, you've also been an integral part of this adventure.  Whether from words of encouragement, high-fives, emotional support, listening to my constant complaining/stories/bragging, whatever. You all rock my socks off.

In response to the responses...

So, my last entry seriously pissed some people off, apparently.  

And I'm sorry about that.

Not for what I wrote.  Not to sound like a petulant child, but this is my blog and I will write as I see fit.  It will always be my opinion and my experiences, not yours.  If you disagree with what I'm saying, that's cool (and to be expected...if we were all the same, the world would be pretty dang dull).  Start your own blog and write whatever the hell you want.  Heck, start a blog about how stupid I am and how I know nothing about meal replacement products.  I'm sure you'd get quite a few followers.

BUT.

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE ALERT:  If my "slamming" your beloved meal replacements upsets you so much that you need to write me a nasty Facebook message about it, I urge you to check your priorities.  That goes for all of you who felt the need to send me messages, or wrote posts about me...even if you were "clever" enough to do it passive-aggressively (without mentioning me by name).  You know who you are.  

Is my opinion about meal replacements really THAT important to you?  Honestly?

Are your meal replacements really worth attacking someone over?  

Are they really?  

REALLY?

Because they're meal replacements and I'm a human.  I'm just saying.  That's messed up.  I mean, I know I tipped your sacred cow...but dang.

To close, let me quote myself directly from the blog that pissed people off so very much:


If you choose to drink/eat this stuff, more power to you!  I've just been asked repeatedly why I don't, and growing increasingly frustrated with all the propaganda that comes my way from well-meaning friends.  Just like the clothes you wear, totally your choice.  Just 100% not for me. :)




Totally your choice.  More power to you.  Just 

100% not for me.  The end.

MIC DROP.

Your meal replacement product is absolute crap.

Let me start by saying this is strictly my opinion of products.  NOT the people who sell them.  Also...it's an opinion.  I'm not an expert (obvi).

Now that I have your attention...

Hi there.

People ask me all the time what steps I've taken to lose all this weight and get heathier this year.

When I tell them, "clean eating and LOTS of exercise," the vast majority of them stand there, waiting for me to continue speaking.  When I don't, they invariably ask...

"No supplements?"

"No meal replacements?"

No.  None of that stuff.

Actual, factual food, and real, hard work.  Boom.  End of story.

When they then ask why I don't use Shakeology/Isagenix/Advocare/Herbalife, my response is invariably say this:
1) I'm doing fantastic without it.
2) most of them suck and aren't really that healthy
3) I'm not a fan of MLM in general
4) I don't want to pay for something that I feel has no value

I have a science background.   Buzzwords don't get me excited.  Facts do.

If this is the healthiest meal of your day, I'd hate to see what kind of crap you're eating the rest of the day.

You know what else builds champions?  Hard work.

No comment.

Their logo is green, so it has to be healthy...right?

Now, I know I just raised a lot of hackles.  Like half the people I know from the gym are slaves to Isagenix.  An online fitness group I participate in is on the Shakeology train.  I have co-workers who sell and use Herbalife, and relatives that sell and use Advocare.  Universally, people who use this type of product are fanatically devoted to it.  And that's cool...whatever floats your boat!

I just don't feel any of it is necessary, or healthy.

Here is why.

Exhibit A:  http://www.ancestral-nutrition.com/an-unbiased-review-of-herbalife/

Exhibit B: http://www.ancestral-nutrition.com/unbiased-review-shakeology/

Exhibit C: http://www.ancestral-nutrition.com/an-unbiased-review-of-isagenix/

Exhibit D: http://www.ancestral-nutrition.com/an-unbiased-review-of-advocare/

Please read the one(s) that pertain to you.  I'll wait here.

Ok, now that you've read the one(s) that pertain to you and are armed with a billion reasons why X-brand shake and bar and vitamins are the best thing ever, let me lay this on you...

I am aware that Dani's research is imperfect.  However, it's the first research I've seen that wasn't funded and published by the company selling the product.

I've seen dozens upon dozens of articles touting the awesomeness of these products.  I've seen Facebook links to information about their "nutritional quality."  100% of these articles and links have been directly from the company itself.

That's not research, guys.

That's propaganda.

And after every article about the "nutritional quality" are testimonials.  Sometimes the testimonials are from happy customers.  SOMETIMES THEY ARE FROM PEOPLE WHO'VE MADE A LOT OF MONEY PEDDLING THIS STUFF.  Red flag, yo.  The people I know that sell and use these products are good people...but it's easy to see how some shady characters could take serious advantage of people.  This is why I don't like MLM.

I've also had a lot of conversations with friends saying, "Well, X-brand may not be perfect, but it's better than Y-brand."

Being the best out of a category of not great things is still not good.

I think the number one reason why these products piss me off is this...

Many of them are officially called "meal replacement" items, but are heavily marketed as weight loss items.  "Slimcakes?"  "Isalean?"  "Advocare: We build champions?"  Come on.  Tell me that's not pushing overweight people to drop ten tons of money on snacks and shakes filled with chemicals, sugars, and GMOs, with a few "organic superfoods" thrown in to make the package wording sound appealing.

Every health professional I've talked to (not fitness professionals, heath professionals...nurses, doctors, chiropractors, and nutritionists) has told me they would never recommend this stuff to their clients or patients.  They do admit they've had patients who've lost weight using these products, but the vast majority have gained it back, plus some, once they stop the system.

And don't even get me started on cleanses.  Unless you have renal disease or liver failure, or for some reason, your body doesn't sweat, poop, or pee, I'm pretty sure Mother Nature designed your body to effectively "cleanse" itself without any outside help or starving.


I'm going to go ahead and read some of your minds right now...
Uh, Angie, WTF makes you such an expert?
You've only been "living this lifestyle" for like a year, what do you know?
Have you ever even TRIED these products?

Not an expert, just sharing my opinion and some unbiased, non-sponsored research.
In "living this lifestyle" along with my years of school in biochemistry, anatomy, physiology, and pathophysiology, I know a few things about the human body and how it works...and about how my human body has responded to exercise and real food.
I've tried three of the four companies and was not impressed by any of them.


I have a long way to go on my journey, but I've already come pretty far without the help of additives.  I think people sometimes want an easy solution, and that's not realistic.

If you choose to drink/eat this stuff, more power to you!  I've just been asked repeatedly why I don't, and growing increasingly frustrated with all the propaganda that comes my way from well-meaning friends.  Just like the clothes you wear, totally your choice.  Just 100% not for me. :)

Finally...

Just because it's vegan doesn't mean it's healthy.  Oreos are vegan.

Just because its organic doesn't mean it's healthy.  There are organic cigarettes.

EAT REAL FOOD.

Vacation! Subtitle: I am AWESOME.

I just got back from a frickin amazeballs family vacation.  Myself, the hubs, and my mom and pops flew out to Phoenix last week and then met my sibs in Flagstaff.

We stayed in a sweet rental house (thanks, Ma and Pa) and hiked all over God's green earth.


We saw First People's homes built into the sides of cliffs.



We hiked the Grand Canyon.

We hiked for MILES around Sedona.

We went to a weird little town called Jerome, built into the side of a mountain.

We explored Phoenix and Flagstaff.

We sat in a hot tub for hours.

We got up and drove two hours to see an amazing sunrise.

We saw tons of elk so close to us we could have touched them (if it weren't for fleas and early mating-season aggression, that is).

I got to see my college roomie and fetus friend and her husband, and meet their sweet daughter Aida.

I ate fajitas pretty much every day.

I had amazing tequila (sorry not sorry, Amanda and Donovan).




But let's talk about the best parts.

It started with me sitting in an airplane seat comfortably.  My ass fit and everything.  It was a spring break miracle.
And then.  AND THEN!  I buckled my airplane seatbelt.  Without.  A.  Seatbelt.  Extender.  For the first time since before I met my husband.
Then, I put the tray table down and it didn't smack my boobs or my food baby on the way down.
And then I hiked for miles and miles up and down and around a mountain in Sedona and kept up with my family.
And then I hiked straight down into a gorge and back out.
And then I hiked around the Grand Canyon rim.

And then I hiked into the Grand Canyon (not all the way to the bottom, I don't have a death wish) to see a fossil wall and back out.
And then I comfortably sat in yet another airplane seat, buckled yet another airplane seatbelt without an extender, and used another tray table without my boobs or food baby getting in the way.

While tramping all over AZ, I thought a lot about the last vacation I took, when my husband, my bestie and I drove to Montana to meet my siblings.  It was gorgeous and amazing, and I missed out on parts of it because I had no stamina, no energy, and was unbelievably out of shape.  Instead of dwelling on that and feeling sad, I was (am) overjoyed that's no longer the case.  I can do the things I want to (most of them, anyway) and don't have to miss out on anything I want to do because of my fitness, or lack thereof.

Amazing how much can change in just under a year, huh?

Setbacks and Sickness

So...winter can suck it.  Big time.  I've been deaf in my right ear because of a eustacean tube dysfunction for over a month.  It's not awful, but it's annoying, unpleasant, and uncomfortable.  Multiple courses of steroids haven't fixed it, so I'll be half deaf until they figure out the mystery of my right ear.  It's a pain in my ass, but I'm dealing.

However, the past two weeks have been awful.  I got a sinus infection about two weeks ago, which migrated down to my chest and settled into a lovely case of bronchitis.  I've been on Augmentin (finally finished it today, woohoo!) and another steroid burst (four days left, woohoo!) and I still feel like poo.

Even though my voice is back and I'm back at work after missing a few days (thank GOD, I was getting so stinkin' bored), it's hard not to be able to do the things I want to do.

I've only been able to work out twice in the past two weeks, and I had to half-ass it both times.  I tried to run last week and coughed so hard I peed my pants.  I PEED MY MOTHERFUCKING PANTS.  I thought stress incontinence was a hell saved for women who've given birth and/or the elderly.  I was wrong.  Bronchitis is a bitch.


Anyway, I took 5 days off and went back to the gym for a light workout last weekend.  Again, I coughed until I almost fell over.  Awesome.
Today, I went back to workout again, and once again, took it super easy.  I biked, I did abs, I biked some more.  It was awful, because it hardly felt like I did anything.  But I didn't cough nearly as much as last time.  Score!

Since I got sick, I've felt sluggish and lazy and gross and icky in general.  But it's impossible for me to lay on the couch all day and cough.  As soon as I was considered non-contagious, I wanted to hit the gym again.  So I started researching online about exercising with bronchitis.  I'm a nurse, I already knew the answer, and I've given this advice before, but I didn't want to believe it.

In case you were curious, here's what I found.

DON'T DO IT.

Above the neck illness (mild headache, stuffy nose) = go ahead and work out if you feel up to it.

Below the neck illness (lung congestion, cough, vomiting) = stay the hell home and recuperate.

I know, I know, I KNOW...Angie, why you no listen to your own advice??

Pictured above: me

But as many of you know, my biggest fear is complacency.  I've had this mindset that taking a break is not an option...even for illness.  Also, I worry that after missing so many workouts, I've backslid horribly and my progress is going down the crapper with each day spent away from working out.  I worry that when I'm finally able to start hitting it hard again, it'll be like starting all over again - fucking miserable and impossible and the worst thing EVER.  Sad panda face.

PIctured above: me

Well, I've had to change my mindset.  Obviously, because pushing myself too hard through the tail end of this illness could also drag it out for weeks or months - and that's the last thing I want.

I've gotten some sweet and much needed texts, facebook messages, and emails from friends and health professionals that have all told me pretty much the same thing...for the love of God and all that is holy, take it easy on yourself!

I was feeling really badly about not working out and cancelling a bunch of training appointments, but after talking with my trainer today, he also reminded me to listen to myself and ease my way back into it.  And - it's fine, shit happens, tomorrow's a new day and the gym will be waiting when I'm ready.



The moral of the story?

Sometimes your body needs a break.
I am not invincible.
I need to listen to the wisdom of others and take it easy (but I will not be skipping the gym any more...just doing easy workouts for awhile to keep myself moving).
Shit happens, tomorrow is a new day, and the gym will be waiting when I'm ready.

I just wish my lungs would catch up with the rest of me!

A despreate plea on behalf of my trainer

I'm making a desperate plea to all fellow gym-goers out there.

For the love of God and all things holy...

RE-RACK YOUR WEIGHTS.

CLEAN UP AFTER YOUR DAMN SELF.

If you want to see a generally kind, patient, positive, and sweet man (or any gym employee/polite gym-goer, really) get even a little bit annoyed, by all means, leave your weights on the machine.  Hell, leave them on the floor!  Re-rack multiple weights of plates on the same bar (this is most effective if you put 5lb plates under/before like 35-45lb plates). 

Mind you, this same man had the patience to tolerate listening to my whiny voice for 30 straight minutes today without acting upon his probable desire to smack me in the face to shut me up (but come ON, he made me do thrusters.  THRUSTERS, Y'ALL.  UGH.  Plus I'm just having one of those days...)...so it's not as if he's easily annoyed.

But what he cannot tolerate is a messy gym.

YOUR MOTHER DOES NOT WORK AT THE GYM.

YOUR CLEANING LADY/MAID DOES NOT WORK AT THE GYM.

And when you leave your crap all over the place for others (ie, employees, myself, other members) to clean up, it leaves me to draw one of five conclusions:

1) You are oblivious.

2) You were raised by wolves.

3) You are an asshole.

4) You are lazy.

5) Any/all of the above.

Ok, well this last one is sexist, but I can see how it would motivate the "bro" population to clean up after their damn selves.

Transparency

If you haven't, you may want to read the previous entry for some background information. Follow the link below (if it works, otherwise copy and paste it...I'm too lazy to set up the link right now).

 http://iamnotgoodatnamingblogs.blogspot.com/2015/02/barbara-walters.html



Discovery: It's relatively easy for me to be open and honest with you, since most of you are my friends/family/fellow gym-goers/co-workers/neighbors, and through the partial anonymity of the internet, than it is to be transparent in person.

Or, say, on television.

As most of you know, I was asked to film a testimonial for my nutritionist's office.  I was really flattered and honored to be asked.  I thought, if I could go on live television to talk about myself and this process three months and 20lb ago, I can certainly film a testimonial now.

Turns out, I may not know myself quite as well as I thought.

In the previous entry, I talked about the interview experience.  It was painfully awkward but I made it through.  The interviewer and cameraman tried their damndest to put me at ease, and were so welcoming and nice.  I just didn't feel comfortable.  Also, as you may recall, I cried, which is one of my least favorite things to do in front of people, especially strangers.

I waited anxiously to see what the finished product of the commercial would look like.  Thinking about it made me a little (a lot) antsy, so it's a dang good thing I had a busy week (as always).

Thursday night, they sent me a copy.  Everyone involved said they loved it.

It would be fair to say that I was not a fan.

I watched it while sitting on a spinning bike at the gym.  Then I watched it again.  The first time, I sat, mouth agape, as I watched myself.  The second time, I laughed out loud...and not in a good way.

All I could think was "I look awful and I sound awful."

Then I felt awful because I was the only one who had seen it at that point who didn't like it.  I reminded myself that everyone's their own harshest critic.  So I watched it again.

Then I had to get the hell out of the gym to process this.

Which I did as soon as I got home.

Panic set in.

The rapid-fire thoughts going through my head included...
People are going to see this.
I've put my story out there to be played by television stations at will.
People are going to judge me.
Oh my God what was I thinking?
Is that really what my voice sounds like?  How does anybody tolerate listening to me?
Oh my GOD what was I thinking?
Is that really what I look like?  Good Lord.
OH MY GOD what was I THINKING?

And the resounding theme:

I AM NOT READY FOR THIS.

I texted my best friend, and emailed her the video link.  I can always count on her to be honest and give it to me straight.  She and her boyfriend loved it.

I thought: Well, maybe it's not as bad as I think.  I filmed it, maybe I should just live with the consequences of my choice to agree to do this and put myself out there.

And then I started panicking again.

I texted my journey guru, Jen, who talked me down off the ledge.

I realized (through Jen's amazing words) that it's okay to say no.  It's okay not to be ready to share everything with everyone.  It's okay to realize that this made me feel powerless and was really triggering for me.  It's okay to say yes and then change your mind.  And it's okay to ask for what you need to feel safe.

And for me, at this point, what I needed to feel safe was to ask my nutritionist not to use the filmed commercial, at least until I'm ready.  A point which I am not confident will ever occur (though it may).  A request which she happily honored.

This entire chain of events was probably the most surprising thing that's happened to me...well, ever.  I thought I knew myself pretty well but I still have the capability to shock myself.

Surprise!